dug myself into a hole

[kittenlazars go mew mew]

I idiotically told my mother of what happened to jill and shina this weekend. she wasn't happy about it, and according to her I shouldn't understand what happened to them. Now she wants me to tell her everything that goes on on this site I guess. I really don't want to do. Is there anything I should tell her to make it so I don't have to?

and with that, I bid goodnight.

[chaoz_reflexive]

hmm.. anything bad about forum?
well , these days atmosphere here is bit down
but i dont think you should worry about that that much..

[jillie]

Just tell her my state- I got into an accident, and I'm stranded in the hospital, that's the truth and not much to explain. Unless you wanna dig about me being an emotional wreck, then ok.. She's free to look at my profile here if she likes, which i think she should.

As for Shina, I'm not sure. No one really knows in my family.

All I know is, you to me.. I consider you as family, and of course, in defence- if you're mom will take you off the computer of off this site, I can understand.. I can only wait for your return, since reasoning is beyond me. The sad part of this is that.. If I end up losing every one.. When I do.. I don't.. really have any other reason to .. Keep going?

I mean.. Yes.. Life is how you make it.. But It's not all that easy...

I wish I was some one that's stronger, so at least you wouldn't have dug yourself in this kind of hole...

But dw, kittens.. I've dug myself in a hole that's far deeper, darker than that.. In away, you'll end up getting out way quicker than I do. :3

[Xaozaddiction]

Well kitten, just tell her the truth. We are a childrens website called BUNNIBUNNI its hard to believe somethign could be bad. The only problem we have are the guest so if you need to show her us then come on at a time you think little will be on. And if it goes that far, let Mk, Screw, i, or any responsible member do most the talking.

[LoveyCookies]

Good advice.

And hey, kittenz, at least your not hiding from her like I am. SO HARD!

[Teeny]

mhmm.. Hiding things away from your mother..could mean that you don't trust her fully. Here, we are connected by our sorrows, but we turn it into happiness. We make new friends that we have in common with, share ideas, support each other and when the time comes... it might be time to say goodbye...as in, thanks to everyone for their support and love.

[LoveyCookies]

Mm.. I have made better friends on here than in real life.

[kittenlazars go mew mew]

Don't worry, Jill, I'll still be here a while. And Xaoz, the thing that has me most concerned is that she'll start watching the forums and the chat box, and what goes on in chat sometimes isn't fit for kiddie ears.

[Mishakiara]

Yay my mom knows abbout bunni, and other games, now i dont have to hide! :D my family plays online games :D

[LoveyCookies]

You're lucky, Mish.

[Xaozaddiction]

The only time kiddie ears arent fit to hear are when we have are mature talks about things you should know about, and those only happen at night xD But dont worry, this forum is very good and doesnt have anything bad about, until its to dark for you to stay up D:

[jillie]

mhmm.. Hiding things away from your mother..could mean that you don't trust her fully. Here, we are connected by our sorrows, but we turn it into happiness. We make new friends that we have in common with, share ideas, support each other and when the time comes... it might be time to say goodbye...as in, thanks to everyone for their support and love.

this is true.

but sometimes things end up wrong. very wrong.

which leads us to more sorrow, more questions.

in my case- right now- i'm too 'traumatised' to trust every one again.

if it wasn't for the 'hurayas' you and i would have been better.

but i'm unable to move on now. and now you're the better one over me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i'm no longer confident that i can be happy- at all.
like the previous group- i intend to keep this family.
and i will do all i can to keep it together.
because if this falls apart, teeny. i won't be able to .. just- i wouldn't be able to be 'happy' or be 'as appreciative. i would only hate society more, look back on these moments and laugh at the times i cried, but sadly, cry at the times i laughed, since there won't be any one else that could understand me better than these people.

The huraya's? they never looked for a friend in us. ROFLZ. they just looked for a person to use. and i was the greatest victim, if you think you were played.

These people have made me believe in myself more, and made me move without hurting myself--- but when i think of 'them' i start to falter and fall.

i tried to keep our family alive, but it backfired horribly on me, and so now, you and the others have turned your backs on me.

and so, truth be told, as much as i feel you don't care. i can't do anything but dwell- and therefore, try to pull out of this one, afraid that it might fall apart just like our 'family' did.

for me, teeny. while i was 'gone' i was happy, and did things better, i really was better off without the group- but then i tried to look for answers... and that was my mistake.

the greater part of that, was that i didn't BLAME any one, i didn't go up to them at a more 'greater' time and f*ck them over with questions.

the mistake of that, was putting it off, instead of discussing it with you. but to me, it felt like i need the whole pieces instead of just what i have.

but now you make me hate myself in more ways than one. as much as i love you, you make me feel like it was my fault. that i screwed myself over by 'making it all up.'. how am i supposed to feel when i know i didn't? how am i supposed to feel when every one else didn't really care at the time? what i was going through? so what if you were young? it doesn't change the fact that you had feelings for them, doesn't change the fact that you cared. what changes is what influenced you, like liem to me.

and this- this was my sanctuary- my form of salvation. but now i feel like i have to leave, and hide away more. since i can't do anything anymore, because everything vividly reminds me of what happened. and it's making me want to disappear completely.

i should thank you, actually. for making me feel like crap.. i should tell you to just turn away from me, and never talk to me again, but i can't- i don't have the heart to. i may have the words, but behind it all i'll just be a crying wreck- like always.

[LoveyCookies]

Maybe, but you're our crying wreck, our hider. We will always look out for you, and make sure you are safe.

We love you :D

[Teeny]

this is true.

but sometimes things end up wrong. very wrong.

which leads us to more sorrow, more questions.

in my case- right now- i'm too 'traumatised' to trust every one again.

if it wasn't for the 'hurayas' you and i would have been better.

but i'm unable to move on now. and now you're the better one over me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i'm no longer confident that i can be happy- at all.
like the previous group- i intend to keep this family.
and i will do all i can to keep it together.
because if this falls apart, teeny. i won't be able to .. just- i wouldn't be able to be 'happy' or be 'as appreciative. i would only hate society more, look back on these moments and laugh at the times i cried, but sadly, cry at the times i laughed, since there won't be any one else that could understand me better than these people.

The huraya's? they never looked for a friend in us. ROFLZ. they just looked for a person to use. and i was the greatest victim, if you think you were played.

These people have made me believe in myself more, and made me move without hurting myself--- but when i think of 'them' i start to falter and fall.

i tried to keep our family alive, but it backfired horribly on me, and so now, you and the others have turned your backs on me.

and so, truth be told, as much as i feel you don't care. i can't do anything but dwell- and therefore, try to pull out of this one, afraid that it might fall apart just like our 'family' did.

for me, teeny. while i was 'gone' i was happy, and did things better, i really was better off without the group- but then i tried to look for answers... and that was my mistake.

the greater part of that, was that i didn't BLAME any one, i didn't go up to them at a more 'greater' time and f*ck them over with questions.

the mistake of that, was putting it off, instead of discussing it with you. but to me, it felt like i need the whole pieces instead of just what i have.

but now you make me hate myself in more ways than one. as much as i love you, you make me feel like it was my fault. that i screwed myself over by 'making it all up.'. how am i supposed to feel when i know i didn't? how am i supposed to feel when every one else didn't really care at the time? what i was going through? so what if you were young? it doesn't change the fact that you had feelings for them, doesn't change the fact that you cared. what changes is what influenced you, like liem to me.

and this- this was my sanctuary- my form of salvation. but now i feel like i have to leave, and hide away more. since i can't do anything anymore, because everything vividly reminds me of what happened. and it's making me want to disappear completely.

i should thank you, actually. for making me feel like crap.. i should tell you to just turn away from me, and never talk to me again, but i can't- i don't have the heart to. i may have the words, but behind it all i'll just be a crying wreck- like always.

Yeah i realised Jill. When glass breaks, you'll try to fix it, but you end up cutting yourself. Thats what i did last night. It opened my eyes.

To feel the pain, the blood ooze out...

All i ever did was make it worse. I'm sorry, i too, took away your happiness by bringing my unhappiness on you. Its human, we cant stop our emotions...nor our own hearts.

If you wish to not see me again, then ill grant it for you. But first, you must know that i'll always be there for you, waiting.

If you move... then run, run as far as you can. Forget me if you wish. I deserve to be forgotten. Those scumbags too. Just forget it and look after yourself.

Many lies may have hurt me, but your love has hit me. No, i felt inside that you were stuck and i too want to help.

But i cant help it Jill. It your life. You can walk away or stay.

Like they say.. when the glass is broken, it can't be fix...
But i'll only fix it with tape. Theres always hope. I may not be the hope...
But theres always going to be another hope.

Im sorry my friend, I couldnt fix anyone not even you. Til today I say goodbye. Thank you for the memories and I wish you good luck.

[LoveyCookies]

...
I think I'm going to cry..

[Mishakiara]

Wait wait... what is with the long posts???

[Cthulhu]

tl;dr XD

:businessbunni:

[ryrewhre]

,sac longchamp (http://www.saclongchampefrance.com)
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