English Personal Myth

[YniYni]

I was wondering if someone could give me a bit of feedback on this "Myth". In English class we had to write a myth to explain something. It's just a short story and I hope you can take the time to read it and give some feedback.


The Wind

A long, long time ago before recorded history man lived in a world of wonders and magic. There were great floating islands in the sky and giant monsters that protected hidden treasures. There were unicorns and dragons, giants and fairies. The greatest difference you would notice is that there was no cruelty caused by natural things. No great crashing waves or wind.

Man took these things for granted and used these things and their magic for selfish things. They created vast cities out of dragon scales over sacred land. They made clothing out of the skin of beautiful creatures. This angered the gods, but they were merciful and allowed them to continue to live.

One day man decided to build a great tower the highest of the floating islands, “The Island of the Gods”. A great palace was on this island and the gods lived in this palace. Man wanted to take this land and steal its power. When the gods heard about this tower and plan they were furious. The men planned on stealing the only land not given to them! The gods held a great meeting that lasted six days and six nights and on the morning of the seventh day they finally decided mans punishment.

When the massive tower was nearly finished the gods used all of their power to cause all the great floating islands to fall. These islands crushed much of mans achievements. The punishment was not over yet though. As the islands fell they caused great winds which destroyed mans tower and cities. The great wind rushed across the land and swept away all of the magic and wonderful things. All the power man had was gone and the world became a cruel place full of painful things.

Man tried to find the gods but they too were gone. All they left were great disasters created by the elements. Man tried to regain their magic but they did not succeed. Eventually they created something similar, Science. With smart thinking everything they could do before they could do again, except now everything was cruel and grey. There was no green anymore, animals were dying off and people died from terrible diseases.

Even today those terrible disasters still happen. So many lives are lost to terrible and painful events. All of this happened because of mans greed for knowledge and power. And this is how the wind came about and how all the cruel things in this world came with it.

[Clandestine]

"A myth as to why the world sucks today."
LOL. It's quite feasible, too.

I can't give much of a feedback because... I simply like it.
It makes sense. It's simple and easy to read.
The story itself isn't too original, but not that cliche either.
But all creation of the world stories are usually similiar, so it's ok.

Good job. :]

[screwbaII]

Agreed, it's a really great conception that explains not only how the wind came to be, but how many other things came to be, like legendary beasts for example, or diseases and such. Great myth imo ^_^

[SiamJai]

The story is very similar to the Tower of Babel with a dash of Avatar, but the narrative is good. This could set up a nice story based on the dichotomy between science and magic, with the wind in the center. :)

[Sbacity_Boy]

"As the islands fell they caused great winds which destroyed mans tower and cities. The great wind rushed across the land and swept away all of the magic and wonderful things. All the power man had was gone and the world became a cruel place full of painful things."



"Even today those terrible disasters still happen. So many lives are lost to terrible and painful events. All of this happened because of mans greed for knowledge and power. And this is how the wind came about and how all the cruel things in this world came with it."

I like it! I like how you made the step between magic and science!
It was really good how you involved all the necessary things.
You explained what it was like before and how it is now.
You gave a personality to the humans greedy and such.

Just one thing I have noticed in a lot of myths that they say how the certain thing stayed where it was.
Like for an example the greek myth for some volcanos where that they for forges for the god Hephaestus (the god of fire) and the strongest volcano was where they had trapped a fire breathing beast and it spews fire to this day.

I suggest that you add a little section to your myth about how the wind "when sweeping up the magic, found a little bit of "life" and it started to think on its own. The wind began to like this new feeling of sweeping up the dust of the earth and has lived in the snowy hills, where it can sweep up the snow, to this very day.(or something like that)
This will just let everyone know what happened to the wind.
Did the wind just keep circling the earth?
Was the wind captured and released every time wind was needed?
The part I suggested isn't a necessity, but, to me, it is (I guess you could say) answering.

(I put the quote up above cause that was all you had about the wind(basically) after the "fall/disappearance" of the gods)

[YniYni]

Thanks for the feedback.

[YniYni]

I was looking for feedback from more people. Would anyone care to take a look at this?

(In other words "Bump")

[thebunni15]

The story is nice, myths grab my attention. There are many similarities in this, and the creativity of using those similarities creates a vivid image in my mind about the plot.